you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
