i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
