it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
