He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
