My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
