his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
