Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
