I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
