he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
