come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
