College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
