Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
