im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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