Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
