I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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