If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
