shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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