i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
