went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
