I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
