Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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