god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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