I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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