im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
