You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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