Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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