the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
