if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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