it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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