Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
