After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
