i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
