Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
