I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
