You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I wish you could order shots online.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
