i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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