dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
