I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
