This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
