That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
