I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
