ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
