yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
