haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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