dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
