I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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