You made me cry and you don't even care
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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