i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
