i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
