At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
